How to Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses
- When you open the door and there's one there saying, "hello, I'm
collecting for the Jehovah's witnesses...", interrupt them and say,
"Great, I'm
Jehovah. How much have we made so far?"
- A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of
The Watchtower scattered around...
- My mother (a second-generation atheist) used to say (in a very sweet
voice): "I'm sorry, I don't give a damn about Jesus." Worked everytime.
The Witnesses just backed off the porch in slack-jawed, bug-eyed
disbelief.
- Agreed, we are not prepared for this one, but it has to be carried off
perfectly. The more sincere you appear, the more baffled the Witness
will be:
Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say "Allah be Praised!!!"
and just see what happens.
- Automatic weapons are undeniably the best deterrent to Witnesses. For
extra effect, fire a few rounds into the air or towards their car.
Pretend
you hear a voice inside your head telling you to kill the witness.
Guaranteed to stop future visits for several years.
- The young couple came to my door. I was wearing my robe, and had just
awakened. Now let me explain, I am a very unusual looking person
anyway, but when I awake, I look like some kind of movie monster, I have
hair all over everywhere. I made my eyes real piercing, and stared past
them. I knew who they were, you can tell, they look so cute in their
getup and their bland faces.Well the female one obviously is supposed to
do the
introduction because she sort of panicked, and said:
"We're...we're...we're..we're....we're...." And then she stared
helplessly at the other one and he
said: "uh... uh.... uh... uh..."I then did a really fierce grin and
stuck out my hand in a very fast gesture, and opened all my fingers, and
in a voice sort
of a mixture between Peter Lore and Lurch, I said: I... WILL... TAKE...
YOUR... LITERATURE... AND... GIVE... IT... TO... MY... MASTER. The
male one quickly handed me a copy of whatever rag they were peddling.
they did not ask for a donation.They ran.It's a true story, and they
never
came back.
- A friend claims that when Jehovah's Witlesses knock on her door, her
first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why she wants
to
know, she says it is so she can visit them to push her beliefs. So far,
none of them have given their address. It also marks the end of the
interview.
SLAM!
- A guy goes up to my friend's friend and asks, "Can I talk to you about
God?" She says, "Sure, what would you like to know?"
- JW ladies come to the door. One of them has small child in tow.
Interrupts SIW's dinner. If you knew SIW like I knew SIW, you wouldn't
do that.
SIW: Thank you, but I already have a religion. JW: May I ask what it is?
SIW: I'd really rather not say. {Pregnant pause} I'm not sure if it's
legal in
this country. Supposedly they gave her a real strange look on their way
back down the stairs.
- I answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you
come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
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